Fear as a Mom with Migraine

I have fear as a mom with migraine. I am afraid for myself and for them.     

I’ve been afraid

• While in the throes of an attack 
• That the pain will never stop
• That it could possibly get worse when I was already experiencing something I didn’t think I could handle
• That I was experiencing brain damage that would be life altering 
• That I wouldn’t make it out alive…literally my worst fear 

Fear as a migraine mom

I won’t be able to be there when they need me

It’s not that I never valued myself before I had children but it just didn’t dawn on me my importance in the world.  When I was younger I felt invincible and thought that I would outgrow my migraines or a cure would be found.  As an adult I was only responsible for myself.  Once my babies came, my world got flipped upside down.  I was now responsible for these beautiful lives that I had created and no matter how sick I was, they would still need me. 

Trying to be super mom and failing 

I don’t want them to see me bawled up on the couch screaming, or throwing up and crawling to my bed.  I don’t want them to see me cry, see me in pain or see me as anything but their protector.  As a stay at home mom it isn’t easy for me to have other people take care of my kids.  Giving over my role is difficult and something I don’t like to do.  I’m fortunate enough to know that they are always well taken care of and loved but as I lay in my room I am striving to get better for them.  They don’t deserve a sick mom and I don’t intend on being one.  I started taking care of myself and monitoring more closely once I had them.  Although they have many who love them, no one loves them like I do and they will never love anyone like they love me.  Everyone needs a mother and it’s my fear that I won’t be able to be there when they need me.

Possibility passing migraine on to them

With tears streaming down my face I can say that I lay in bed most nights fearing that it resides inside them waiting to attack.  Never leave me alone in a car because I will inevitably be bawling by the time I get to my destination.  While some women wonder what their sweet baby will look like while they are pregnant, I begged God not to give my babies migraines.  My grandmothers had them, my mother had them and I have been cursed with them. 

I started getting them when I was 5 and my daughter turns 4 at the end of the month.  I’ve already talked to her pediatrician and my neurologist about my fears. 

Facing my Fears

• Research about anti inflammatory foods that help and major trigger foods to avoid other than my own. 
• Cooking clean and healthy for my entire family and read the labels on the foods that we buy carefully. 
• Teaching them good habits and choices when it comes to health.   
• Hoping that living defensively will help. 

I can’t change my children’s DNA or brains, but I want them to learn how to be healthy and build strong body and minds. 

I’m on a journey of healthful living to contain the neurological disease the best I can for both my children and my future.  I’ve turned my fear into motivation…..but don’t get me wrong, I’m crying because I’m scared!

What Gives you Fear as a Mom with Migraine?