Laziness with Migraine
Oooooh laziness. I am constantly fearful that I am seen as lazy. I run a marathon and some days an iron man inside my body every day. I am a stay at home mom and I work HARD. I really think my job is one of the most under respected jobs. Then again I used to be a teacher and got paid close to nothing to change children’s lives. So I’m used to it.
I am physically active all day. I carry a 25+ pound child on my hip while I do dishes, laundry, vacuum, cook, and clean. I run errands constantly getting kids in and out of the car along with carrying a purse that might as well be called luggage. I do swim lessons, library classes, play dates, art projects, playgrounds, walks and bike rides. All of this while in some sort of varying pain.
It’s exhausting. I will say over and over and over again that pain is exhausting. It’s depressing and exhausting but when I live with it every day and I just cope and keep on moving. I really don’t know any better. I am tired All…The..Time… My head pain makes me want to lay down constantly. My neck and shoulder pain are never relieved from the heavy lifting I do. But mostly it’s just this internal exhaustion of fighting.
My doctor once told me that my migraines put my body into a fight or flight kind of state. When I’m higher than a 7 my body succumbs to the pain and it forces me to become completely consumed with it. My old self flies away and gives in. When I’m at a 2-7 I fight. I’m not lazy. I’m actually the opposite. I think a lot of people think of me as sitting on the couch eating bon bons and watching my soap opera because I stay at home. A form of laziness, right?!
Just another misconception. When I ask for my husband to get me some water while I’m on the couch at the end of the day, I’m not lazy. I’m stopping the pain from rushing through me just because I’m going from laying down to standing up. He sits at a desk all day and I’ve walked up and down the stairs 100 times. He doesn’t see me as lazy, but why does society?
I lay in bed with a million things rushing through my mind at night and sometimes in the morning before the rest of my house has awakened. My job is never done, I don’t get to be lazy. Between the mental battle of teaching a toddler patience, calming a tantruming 3 year old and my fight with migraines I’m not sure how anyone would see me as anything but a warrior. Just tack on another stigma for us migraine sufferers. Lazy. HA! I’m a fighter!!!